I’m not going to list all of the polarizing topics people argue about on the internet because there’s not enough time in the day, and I typically avoid thinking about things that make me want to chug paint thinner. There’s so little human beings can agree on that we need at least one evil force to unify against, and that force, my friends, is officiating.

Until zombies or hostile aliens arrive, the only sect of society that everyone can hate freely is the officials. Zebras know they’re universally detested, and so long as no one is getting hurt, it’s all in good fun.

Just look at this clip from last night’s New York Knicks-Detroit Pistons debacle, and tell me the incompetence doesn’t make your blood boil.

I’m with you, Monty Williams, that was an “abomination,” but without it, what would there be to talk about today? One can only read so many Justin Fields trade rumors before words lose all meaning.

There’s not much else left in this world that we can loathe without being shamed for it. Uber Eats had to edit a peanut allergy out of its Super Bowl ad because it’s insensitive to make fun of people’s allergies I guess? I have an aversion to bail-out defensive holding flags. When’s the NFL going to make sure I never see one of those again?

Fans from Little League to the Bundesliga despise an inconsistent whistle and blatant missed calls. However, it’s not as if people are genetically predisposed to being referees, hall monitors, or rules enforcers. They chose this profession, and honestly, if your life’s goal is to be a paid stickler, I kind of don’t like you already.

Do I condone violence or threats directed toward officials? No, and only if said threats remain anonymous/in good spirit. The last thing I want is to see the Earth cleansed of referees. That’s some Nazi sh*t, and did any member of the Third Reich ever stop to think what would’ve held Germany together if Hitler had eradicated his foe entirely? In-fighting, no cohesion, very little unified marching. Yeah, didn’t think about that one, did you? Nazis, I swear to god, man.

For the fans demanding accountability, what’s your solution? Ban the offender for a no-call and bring in a less experienced replacement, or, even worse, a robot? Think about the plethora of missed penalties that happen in any sport, and now think of how long a game would last if every hold, every lane violation, and every bit of off-ball contact was called.

Refereeing is a thankless job, so, yeah, they shouldn’t be held accountable because so rarely are they recognized when they have a good night. An officiating crew can be flawless for 47 minutes and 45 seconds, but if they lose focus for one moment, coaches and players parade them through the postgame presser like they committed third-degree murder. Earlier this year, Sacramento Kings’ coach Mike Brown literally brought a presentation tool to the postgame to show what the refs did wrong.

If a general manager ran a PowerPoint of a coach’s questionable rotations, challenges, and play calls after a tough loss, we’d cry foul. Yet fans do that with refs every night, and the officials have the courage to show up again on Tuesday, and foul Chris Paul out of another game.

So next time you want to disparage a game official, feel free to do so, and thank whatever god granted you the right to tell another human being to “Eat sh*t!” without remorse.